7. Make a bold statement
If you have an opinion on a subject, then just say it outloud without a whole lot of proof, and the trolls will come running. They thrive on ridiculous statements both their own, and yours. If you always talk weakly, they won’t care about what you’re saying, so you need to take a strong stance first.
6. Write a hugely long post spread out over multiple pages
Trolls are busy people. They need to post in a variety of places. They don’t have time to read through all of your post, so they’ll only look at the first page. Of course, this first page will have to have some bold statements, but you don’t back any of your arguments up yet, so the trolls can say all the garbage they want and they’ll think you can’t prove them wrong.
5. Insult somebody
It doesn’t have to be direct, but just make sure your readers know it’s an insult to somebody, preferably not your readers. It ought to be an insult to a company, a product, a service, or somebody well known yet not loved by almost everybody. This causes trolls to want to a) defend them with statements everybody already knows and are illogical or b) join in on the insulting or c) insult you.
4. Insult everybody
There’s no need to stop at just one person or thing. You can insult everybody, and that way trolls with allegiance to everything will swarm to you. Refer to #5 for why this works.
3. At the beginning of your post, say this:
“…I really know nothing about this subject, but I just wanted to say _______ SUCKS because… it just does, and no I am not stupid.” Seems self-explanatory.
2. Learn to attract fanbois first
Trolls don’t post merely because of your post alone. They also post when there’s a group of fanboys yelling at each other. They want to join the party and argue against everybody that’s there. If you can get fanboys to post some comments defending the company/product they love, you can be sure that trolls will soon follow suit, except they’ll do it in a foolish fashion.
1. Write a post about trolls
They are always in denial. Trolls never admit they are trolls, but when a lot of people start calling them that, they start to wonder. Maybe they want to found out what a troll really is. Maybe they want to see if a list like this applies to them. If you write a post that talks about trolls, then they will come and deny everything the post says about them, claiming that the post is stupid, that they are not trolls, and that they just wasted their time reading the post.
Once upon a time, trolls started to rampage…
]]>